A letter from July 16th, 2024

Dear Jenny,
I badly want to write everything that's been piling up. For many weeks, ang heavy ng heart ko. Demotivated with everything, neglecting myself in everything. I thought I was doing okay. For the first 5 months of this year, I rlly thought I can improve myself. Pero here I am again, spiraling down. Working out does not help improve my mood anymore. Writing in my journal doesn't seem to take away my anxiety like it did before.
I actually thought of going to therapy. Nag-cancel ako a few hours before scheduled because.. what will I say? I was also looking for dopamine supplement and surprise surprise meron sa lazada. Scary lang na magiging dependent ako on that if I start taking it. But we need help. And I hope future me - few weeks or few months from now - will have the courage to start seeking help.
I hate this. 
I want to say I hope you're doing well, but I can't think of a future with a well version of me. Is that still possible?
-Jenny