Dear FutureMe,
Things have come and gone, and a lot has changed, i’ve got to say.
You’re finally comfortable being catholic, so way to go girlie! Keep strong.
Also i’m so in love with Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly. Like i don’t even want a Jim in my life I just wanna be Pam,
if that makes any sense?
Oh well…
Epilogue
2 months later
Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard...
Know yuo si ot threos anmigk ouy elosyurf eth buaot whne you eht nad atpsr ecor see the who ciedltry noe …ins iangktl ese uoy wrold rieeagds fo is ihtw all esmo rhchuc.
I rwee ustj eoqtisnu eosm sugse poleep ot tmane. .
Oyu ntod’ n’otdes ieveebl atth nmea. It,lgu uyo haweodvredso ska oh rae ouy ohw so iesmt eebliev dna yefulsro hyw uyo yb oyu so od eelevb!i noso eeielbv umch od teher so,gh ,wenh hcum. Hmuc os stime ewnh wedish levebie ouy dtdn’i you.
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Hte tkal but ot hwhci tauob mneetle fo ctoahlic lgtiu it rtinnhee giteenav i’ts gahnyitn gtu nthik ruo tndeos’ pstrreeen sjtu eopr tniiwh ot lkie oslkf tihs neiolrig way shi at lertcdyi emayb as i ehnw. To ullp ot ihm us erocls. .
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Nrvgythiee ecom kfrreoisw tirhg ’im eueabsc iodng dna get dennyoa, osnteh, be da,m to i neev on psdiipo,edant. Gnseilfe on ghleeivmwron cruhhc ta eomc when m’i. Tretam fo a rorys orf nitiengls igisnentl efel hi,st hseto lleyik to evyr to all ucly a sucda ntha ogns i nmhys sa adn ’mi oemr a,cft. Utaderrstf ’im.
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My akme itl ubt ot oyu lapn ek“af si ti ti”. Ym niihtw tath iednnrgia me erve ebfeli i eauebcs i ffo odutb nomgsthie fankgi kaseh udloc os ti tno si. Lli’ liek ksid rrmay ogpru rvyee bed gnthi rpopre utohy oefssc…n ayrp a t,sju me nad rpay our utb chhurc cien, lek,i unsayd nad gyu ’ontw verey to eb go to teh beoerf go nad adn urhc’sch ot nad. Is bdout i ilwl eb? it taht ylaler hinsgt ohw. I rsgil leik too. Noudn i. Ees utb le’lw.
This user has written an update to this letter.To see what they wrote, please
for those who wanna read the epilogue but don’t have premium (as I): “Honestly I have no idea what you meant with the “I don’t even want a Jim” bit but sure!
The catholic thing is forever a hardship of course. It’s hard to see yourself when you know some core parts of you directly disagree with the church and all you see others talking about is how the world is the one making you sin…
I guess some people were just meant to question. That doesn’t mean you don’t believe. Oh gosh, and how do you believe! You believe so much there are times when, soon overshadowed by guilt, you ask yourself why do you believe so much. Times when you wished you didn’t believe so much.
When folks talk about catholic guilt I like to think of it as this inherent element within our religion which doesn’t represent anything directly negative but maybe it’s just His way to tug at the rope. To pull us closer to Him.
To be honest, I get annoyed, disappointed, even mad, because I’m doing everything right and no fireworks come. No overwhelming feelings come when i’m at church. As a matter of fact, and I’m very sorry for this, I likely feel more listening to a Lucy Dacus song than listening to all those hymns. I’m frustrated.
But my plan is to “fake it til you make it”. Not faking my belief because that is something so ingrained within me I doubt I could ever shake it off. But to just, like, go to church every sunday and go to the church’s youth group and pray every night before bed and confess… And i’ll marry a nice, proper guy and pray our kids won’t be like me. Is that how things really will be? I doubt it. I like girls too. I dunno. But we’ll see
Letter Author:
30 days ago